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Meiosis 2012 Blog Archive
Tuesday 24th December 2013. Blog #95.


It’s taken the British just 63 years to pardon Alan Turing whereas in Russia they have been pardoning loads of people left right and centre (but mainly left) that they had incarcerated for numerous crimes that aren’t really crimes. The 2 imprisoned members of Pussy Riot have only had to serve a mere 21 months of a 24 month sentence. They don’t seem very grateful for their early release though do they? - just as Alan Turing, who committed suicide 61 years ago, does not seem entirely grateful for his pardon. Perhaps his wife and children will take solace in the long overdue nod from the establishment that everything’s forgiven? OK – so that sentence is steeped in angry, bitter sarcasm. I can’t help that, as I am an angry, bitter individual. The British Monarch has loads of catching up to do on the Russian President though. He has been letting loads of people off recently who have been punished for no good reason whatsoever and all of the people he has been letting go also have the added bonus of being alive. Come on now, buck your ideas up Queen (that’s The Queen, rather than a queen, I hope you understand)...

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Wednesday 20th November 2013. Blog #94.


If you were wondering what all the hype was about with The Twat Factor or I’m a Person Get Me Out of Here… then I think you will find that the new Arcade Fire album is absolutely brilliant. Joey Essex is best on it. He can’t tell the time and it’s just fucking brilliant!

I Wish I was Mr Gorsky...

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Monday 11th November 2013. Blog #93.


I’m aware that I have chosen a stupid band name. Nobody on the internet appears to be able to spell it and it leads to confusion. It is not even a nice word to say out loud. I chose the word when I was 16 – looking through an encyclopaedia for band names.

I was attracted to the name because of its meaning. Meiosis is the sexual cell division which forms gametes, which in turn creates the process of forming a cell that forms a plant, or bacteria or the male human sperm. And then after that we all know what happens!...

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Wednesday 30th October 2013. Blog #92.


On 28th September we staged an enormous gig at World Headquarters in Newcastle. I had been organising this since February and put a lot of my own money into it, so it simply had to go well. In most part it did and I’m very pleased I did it.

"I'm in this business for too long to be half-hearted about anything." – Lou Reed...

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Wednesday 26th September 2013. Blog #91.


To be a promoter is this day and age – by that I mean this day being Thursday and my age being 31 - is very much hard work. Things that were important to me when I was 29 have slipped away to be less important now...

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Tuesday 17th September 2013. Blog #90.


I have been trying to avoid writing a blog for a little while, as I tend to write about whatever comes into my tiny little mind at the time & I am aware that, at the moment, all of my waking hours, all of my sleepy dreams and all the things on my mind are geared towards selling tickets, rehearsing and generally thinking about logistics for the show I’m putting on at World Headquarters in Newcastle on Saturday 28th September for The Bowie Experience – Tickets £8 – more details here:  www.musicbymeiosis.com/live.html

Another reason for not writing a blog is that I have been a bit ill. I had a nasty bout of depression, followed by a big bout of tonsillitis, followed by a bout of alcoholism, followed by a bout of feeling like a bit of an old twat for trying to take on too much stuff at once. However, now I am at peace with myself and I feel like writing to you all about something significant I have witnessed or done...

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Wednesday 28th August 2013. Blog #89.


If the badger cull didn’t fuck me off with the Tories, the attempt of David Cameron to make peace with his own mind by asking another load of fuck-faced old cunts the question “Should I bomb Syria, or shall I just concentrate on fucking over my own country?” definitely did...

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Thursday 15th August 2013. Blog #88.


Hello Super Fans,

Sum of youz might know me from being just a little giraffe. Sum of youz may know me because I am always dead good and got a fun sized Mars Bar once just for being dead good.

Other freaks might know me from a shitty little band in Newcastle called Meiosis. I do everything in the band, including singin the songz and writing the cover versions. I have more input now than I did in my old band, Five...

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Friday 9th August 2013. Blog #87.


I use a pair of wireless headphones. I can’t say I own them as they only serve to give me grief. I used to have a wonderful pair of Sennheiser headphones but I became subject of some hardship once and then they broke...

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Tuesday 30th July 2013. Blog #86.


Somewhere, in a cold, damp, dark corner of the internet there lived a troll, rutting away at a repertoire of insulting sentences, typed in caps lock with an intriguing disregard for the correct usage of spelling, grammar or punctuation.

Quietly they searched for Facebook pages created in memory of loved ones, Twitter tributes to victims caught up in catastrophic events or anything that had ever been published on YouTube ever. By posting something abusive somewhere on the internet a troll will be looking for gratification which can come from one thing and one thing only: an outpour of disapproving and heartfelt reaction from the recipient of the abuse. This simply serves, to my mind, to wash the filth of the butcher in the blood of the lamb. So what is the solution?...

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Monday 22nd July 2013. Blog #85.


If manic depression ruled me, I’d be a wreck. Fortunately it does not. At least I hope it doesn’t. Perhaps it does….

Bipolar Disorder is what the doctors call it. What it is, is a harrowing and also wonderful mindset that one can be both blessed with and burdened with. I have Manic Depression, or Bipolar Disorder, or fucking mentalist syndrome, or fuckwit annoying arseititis – whatever you want to call it – that’s what I have. I don’t care for putting a name on it, as it’s a part of me. It is who I am. If I had a leg that was an arm or my head had a hideous testicle hanging from it  - just below my eye – the name for either of those things would be quiet self-explanatory  but the phrases ‘Manic Depressive’ or ‘Bi-Polar’ don’t work for me as – it’s me. I can’t cope with having a ‘thing’ so I’m happier to refer to it as a ‘Whatever’. Don’t even get me started on what I think about my own sexuality...

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Wednesday 17th July 2013. Blog #84.


We’ll go down like the trees in the morning light. There is no need for you to look out for us. We are artists. You are very kind but we’d rather you just got on with your own shit to be honest...

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Sunday 7th July 2013. Blog #83.


The delights of British Summer Time have arrived. We can attend a music festival sponsored by Barclaycrud where the only available thing to drink will be pints of Turdburg for £5.90 a go and I get to whinge about the cynicism and hypocrisy of the land without leaving the relative comfort of an uncomfortable chair in a darkened room...

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Saturday 15th June 2013. Blog #82.


I may have discovered I am Jesus… I can turn water into wine. Well, it’s a kind of wine, not too dissimilar to Lambrini.

I might even be better than Jesus down to the fact he only had 12 followers. Perhaps Facebook was more his thing...

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Thursday 13th June 2013. Blog #81.


Now then… I’ve gone and done a new album thing.

The cover was taken from beach nearby to what I believe was the Space Shuttle Atlantis beginning its journey, a round trip of 5,284,862 miles, on 8th July 2011. The reason I chose this particular image was because it sums the album up in one single blow. Most of us think of space travel as a thing of the future but this particular spacecraft is due to be decommissioned and will therefore become an outdated piece of history. As ann artefact in a museum, it will be a symbol of past, present and future.

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Thursday 23rd May 2013. Blog #80.


Everybody should have a blog, right? The reason I started a blog was that it would be a way of having something within my website that is regularly updated and drives traffic to what would otherwise be a stale and barren wasteland of shitty homemade music videos and poorly executed musical ideas. Having said that, it can occasionally serve as a platform to be able to voice my internal monologue on subjects which would otherwise be met with a resounding ‘fuck off’, should I be asked on a social networking website such as that Facebook or the Twitters… or just for a punt, let’s throw it in there… Google+ (ha ha ha! I mentioned Google+ as if it was a credible social networking website. It is funny because I know you all wanted me to mention ‘Face Party’… and that is funny because I still haven’t mentioned Justin Timberlake’s Murdochspace)...

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Saturday 11th May 2013. Blog #79.


I have never told anyone about this, but as I am a brave man I think I should share it with you. I feel so lucky to be able to do so via this blog of mine.

A little while ago somebody I knew was a personal assistant to a guy who wished to become a councillor. I was kind of cajoled into attending a local political party meeting, where this guy was to make his first big speech to the local party members. I’d attend on the basis of not having any affiliations for the Party but with a view on possibly getting involved with ideas on how to promote and raise this potential politician’s profile. “Why did they ask you? What could you possibly do?” I hear you ask. Well, indeed. At the time I was asking myself the very same questions. I went along anyway as the meeting was in a social club and I enjoy these places with their wide open spaces and cheap beer...

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Wednesday 24th April 2013. Blog #78.


Am I trying to constantly make excuses for my actions? I get depressed. One of the many aspects of feeling depressed is that you constantly look inward into yourself and always come to the conclusion that you are a massive cunt and don’t deserve to exist.  I reckon if everyone did that, then the world would be a better place...

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Thursday 11th April 2013. Blog #77.


Just when you think you have it sorted. Your depression and animal urges are under control and you no longer feel the need to avoid social contact or blanking out any form of human life into your own because any show of affection, engagement or sense of belonging to the world and community we live in will just complicate your life… Just when you think you have that sorted, that nothing will matter more than what you have been through, just after you have decided that you are ‘ready to face the world’ as it exists and just after you have become strong enough to dip your foot into believing that the outside world is ok:

Somebody in a car will pull up outside of your home and parp their horn in order to signal the fact that they have arrived, and their previously arranged agreement of giving one of your neighbours a lift to their designated destination is being upheld. How about you get out of your car and ring the doorbell or knock on the door like a well-mannered, considerate bastard like I would do?...

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Thursday 21st March 2013. Blog #76.


Hey there! How are you? You’re looking well. Sit down, can I get you something? A piece of cake perhaps, or would you prefer a cup of marrow?...

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Wednesday 13th March 2013. Blog #75.


Late last year, I decided to take my band (well, I call it a ‘band’ or an ‘act’, when really it is better described as an ‘Art Installation’) out of its home of Newcastle upon Tyne and into other UK towns and cities  to give the songs an airing in front of some fresh ears. The idea was relatively simple, I was to use no promoters & we’d simply book the gigs and promo them on the internet ourselves as we do here in Newcastle. I have a few contacts in various cities, so Sheffield could be done with ease, Glasgow & Edinburgh were no problem. Manchester and Doncaster were also on the cards. All we’d do is organise a gig in one city with its relative hometown band & then swap to provide bands for the next gig. What do you mean you don’t understand? Look it’s simple, here:...

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Wednesday 20th February 2013. Blog #74.


*When you think about it, Globalisation is a remarkable and beautiful thing isn’t is? - Us all living together on a big happy planet with everything to look forward to and no regrets. In the 1970s it was referred to as ‘progress’. And nothing should stand in the way of ‘progress’.

I love the fact that one day Europe will become a super state and we will have the same, if not more, armoury and power as the Americas do today, to force our values and opinions onto anyone that opposes our values or opinions. I relish the thought that Tesco will run our high streets, or music will only become available from either EMI or Apple (whoever kills the other) and that the food we eat will come from a great big vat in Spain that will be called ‘GloopCo. TM’ and will consist of only smells...

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Sunday 17th February 2013. Blog #73.


Well I guess I have been thinking hard about performing again this week. What am I? What AM I?? I’m not a band or a ‘solo act’. My friend Alex came up with the best description of my Meiosis show: I am an Art Installation. I was really pleased with his definition as this means I no longer have to bother with the catchy songs that bore me to death, but can spend more time on dressing up in suits and attempting to project uncomfortable images onto a wall...

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Thursday 7th February 2013. Blog #72.


I point my nose to the Northern star, I strive to become whatever I should be,  I fall where the fallen lay & I read a lot of books. Everything I do & everywhere I go I am bombarded with the notion that I should be doing something different. Read more than you’re reading, listen to more than you are listening to, watch more than you watch. I watch, read & listen to a lot of stuff. Almost constantly. If I have a free moment, I read, watch or listen to something. I occasionally make things for other people to watch, read or listen to as well – kind of in return… in thanks I suppose...

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Wednesday 30th January 2013. Blog #71.


Could we privatise the government? We might have to pay more for it but we would get much better customer service. I think it’s time to take a good look at how much a government-run government is costing us and what we are getting back in return. I’m sure Virgin Government™ could run the country effectively and, perhaps at a small additional cost, give us some actual services. And when we feel let down we can write to John Stapleford and his nosey wife at Watchdog and get our money back, or some free vouchers for cigarettes and beer.

It would also please the trade unions as technically the trains, the planes, the banks, the power, the music festivals, the mobile phones, the cola, the gyms, the cable television, the radio stations, the internet and the hot air balloons would all become nationalised...

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Tuesday 22nd January 2013. Blog #70.


Something is getting at me. I’m not sure what it is, but I appear to be in a constant state of distress.

I appear to have developed a touch of tinnitus in my left ear again. I blogged about this some time ago but over the past 3 weeks I have constantly had the sound of Joe Pasquale in the early stages of his head being cut off in my ear. I thought I’d try to put it in writing how it actually feels...

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Tuesday 8th January 2013. Blog #69.


The producers and researchers and everyone involved in the making of this year’s Celebrity Big Brother have been amazing. They really have pulled it out of the bag this time. Starting at the top of that list and working their way down to what they have must have been exhausting. “Is Beyonce Knowles available?”, “is Nick Knowles available?” “OK then…who isn’t a criminal?”, “OK... who has been arrested on suspicion of being a criminal?”...

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